There are some layers there, some that you're laying down and others that were already present when you entered the scene, which is to say, some that you should claim responsibility for and others that have nothing to do with you unless you choose to engage with them. First of all, you are different and you should think of that as an asset, anything except a weakness. I'm different too. We don't gel with the rest of the goo, stand out like stains on an overly ironed social fabric. Please forgive the cliché, but that's why we are capable of greatness. I truly believe that, which means I've assimilated it into my perspective, rooted it down into the core of my being and derive energy from that understanding, use it as grist for my mill, and I encourage you to do the same. That point aside, it's fine to be uninterested in the conversation, but perhaps you should consider being engaged enough in it to be able to articulate what you are not interested in if only to be able to better articulate what you would rather be doing? Communication is a powerful tool full of potential and also an impossible burden that stifles the expansive potential of the mind, and as with any other tool it's all about how you choose to use it. It's about choice: of attention, of intention, of contention, of reception. Ha! You should also remember that most people don't know what they're talking about, just like you (and me for that matter), so all the buzzing words and sinuous syntax is more of an illusion - or a delusion - than some puzzle that needs to be worked out. Go ahead, play ping-pong and listen to europop, but also relate it back to what we are all doing here, as an exercise more than a test, as a way of flexing another muscle which is not the body but very much related to it, not to show off or put yourself above others but to close the gap between persons and soften the lines between these things which appear so separate. Or come up with another reason... that's creation! That's what creativity really is, coming up with a good reason to continue the conversation so we don't sit around in silence, living our silent separate lives and dying our slow silent deaths. Remember that theory is also silly, even more so for proclaiming that it is the epitome of "being-serious," but there are things that are much more silly than ping-pong and europop. There's a whole cosmos of art and artists and savants and geniuses that came before us that proved in so many ways in all their different styles of speaking how utterly absurd life can be. Sometimes it's about tragedy, sometimes about comedy, and sometimes about showing how there's really very little difference between the two. Is it silly to play ping-pong? It strikes me as an extraordinarily common activity even though I can be right there with you in observing how fucking ridiculous - which is to say pointless, infinite, contentless, and metaphorical - it can be from a certain point of view. It's the point of view, your point of view, that you should be talking about and only you can describe it and only you can decide what words or theories are appropriate for describing it. Just please don't stop trying. Another thing... confusion is the spark that keeps us moving. You don't really want to understand it all do you? How fucking boring that would be, to get it all the time, to know it so well that you can anticipate what the person will say next, see the conclusions before the story is told. That sounds like being dead already. Life is about the story, the process, the method, all the actors on stage twirling around in their absurdly overstuffed costumes waving their hands in the air and wailing their vocal chords like it means something, and then all the people in the audience wearing just as many layers of costume and spouting just as many variations of pompous affect pretending to understand what they're seeing, writing books about it, getting in arguments over it, standing up and shouting when they see something they don't recognize, tearing the seats out of the floor and throwing them at the musicians when they play dissonant notes, riding the composer out of town on a rail for proclaiming to have an original idea that needs to be expressed in a new language. All the best things in the world were made by outsiders - in my humble opinion - and fuck do we really need more of them these days with how the world is turning and the oppressive violence in all the eyes of the seemingly calm and collected militant citizens sipping their imperialist coffees and whispering in controlled voices about bodywork for personal improvement and object arrangements for their new photography series and ayahuasca rituals informing their post-studio practices. My advice to you is to learn their words, learn them real good, understand them in your own way if only to know why you don't want to use them or how to use them as a weapon against those that wield them to oppress and silence others. You're a powerful being and a radical outsider, but don't be silent because that's serving their interests. Remember that they are there for you, not the other way around. That whole school and all the faculty and all the students, they're all there for you, to inform your universe and expand your vocabulary and challenge the way you feel and act so that you can become more aware and more intentional and more powerful, not the other way around. Find your language, or make it up on the spot, and let them figure it out. You make the mess and they clean it up.