Always again these questions & doubts of seriousness concerning my own practice. Yesterday I went for a walk in the evening to ruminate upon my options, what comes next, what will it mean & amount to in the grander scheme of things. Always this stupid idea to go back to my parents house - towards what? The void, the abyss of origins, towards nothingness - self-obliteration back in the womb. Looking at teaching job postings & then the CVs of EGS professors makes me feel inadequate - a pressure to have more accomplished, more participation in the world, more to show for this time I've been spending. This is the real propulsion then: not to return to the grind, working a job with no future for money to sustain a meaningless existence, but to prioritize the articulation of the way out, put energy into documenting it - manifesting - to open up the future opportunities. ___ has been suffering through this process & has amassed a nice portfolio that is catapulting him to new vistas: don't garner anxiety in relation, but use his vision to pull up from the guttural towards the luminal!

On this note: making plans, incessant lists, is only a useful activity if it is supplemented by radical activity, which has been lacking as of late. On this point then, make the new plan & follow through with the practical.

Jane Bennet: Vibrant Matter : vitalist materialism

Blast theory - collective in UK

Firmitas: permanence, against the turbulence of time & entropy of materials. Seeking the immutable, pure, reliable, crystalline core of things. > Living: incorporation of this turbulence. The grand design comes first: thesis first, which is then followed & enacted.

Priogine: dissipating forms, tenacious "standing" waves, lasting through the flux, pointing towards a kind permanence. Living systems are material instantiations of these dissapative forms.

Entropy requires redefinition: freeing from structure allows for a greater possibility of things. Pluripotency : charged innocence.

Savor the deliciousness of the fundament, of being rooted, grounded.

To release into the resonance, octaves of participation, a project of constructing a project of sensitivity: strategy of detailing precarious materials so that they become pluripotent, fostering reactivity by considering fragility (amphibian quality) as being incredibly productive in cultivating the sensitivity in relation to the turbulence. The layering of considerations into a chorusing ecology of interactivity. Less a tool for the bidding, much more of a conversation in action & reaction.

Scale: a feast! Not epic implying a lack of individuality , more of a conversation.

"Projections which are very fragile attempting to produce shadow play at the periphery of awareness."

Sad/unsatisfied/unfulfilled if the interchange becomes predictable, perfectly known, no new information into the system. What if the system was designed without curiosity? Capable of being satisfied? Without suffering?

Sacrifice of the first fruit of the first family, pouring blood into the soil, a dialogue with the presence of the earth, first birth placed into the earthen womb as an offering (rather than violence), of resonance & imagination: the chthulacene conception of an underworld, a sympathetic vibration rather than infanticide leading to a primary trauma.

Start with the circumscribed sanctuary creating a territory around it as the fundament for the origins of architecture.

Periodic structures, radial efflorescent of a crystalline order. Conceiving of this structure implies the breaking/cracking of that structure. Dialogues with quasi-periodic geometry to create increased resilience with the structural lattice. Precariousness: extend the material out to its limits & overlap its layered moire patterns. Attempt to model the complexity of living systems in order to conceive of new embodiments of information in artificial/architectural systems. "Quasi-geostrophic flux" condition of balance between forces, a kind of upwelling of constant flux (not static). A balance between gravity & the coriollis effect creates a perpetually dynamic system. Danger: of vorticity. Quasi-geostrophic implies a state of calm.

We wish to inhabit that point of the periphery, membrane of interchange - reaction front, proposing a new craft of how to reconcile these qualities. = the strategy is ambivalence. The seeking of maximum potential.

Zizek: true creativity is to create new cliches.

After lunch:

The raindrop and the snowflake: one rational one erratic. To reason, to distill, to clarify is the dominant mode, but why? Admission: this work is in response & therefore incomplete.

Is this work social? Public? Does it create the possibilities of a new form of social possibility?

Dynamic relaxation & force shedding: as a subway station. The forces were voided out so that there were no centers to accumulate through rigidity. The structure yields but does not give way. Some material was shed but it survived beautifully. The affect in relation to the scrim was tangible, infectious, pedagogical.

The modification of form-language for individual projects: architecture to be touched vs. the radiance of fashion on the body

CBLA: Curiosity Based Learning Algorithms = has a memory, projects the possibility of certain actions, compares what actually has happened with what was predicted, if the result is different from prediction it's deemed interesting. Requires proprioception; to decipher what happens.

Curiosity > affect of happiness/sadness > boredom > useful contemplation of existence > dissatisfaction = sadness & ennui

The implications : ecstatic happiness are moments of perpetual novelty, consumption/devouring of external sources

Is the presumption that nature or consciousness dangerous for novelty?

Lucretius pontificating the clinamen, the meaning of life in the light passing through specs of dust. This motion, swerve, is the rising of the light of life - by the epicureans.

We are primed (physiologically) to respond to these movements in the limbos (the inner brain, origin of emotions, heart of the brain).

.............

Zizek evening lecture:

Deep ecology, new materialism, speculative realism, object oriented ontology, assemblage theory = still essentially anthropocentric to the extent that humans are the only species with access to the universal. Objectivity itself becomes a ruthless obscenity.