___: "I am asleep with my eyes open."

I can identify (yet another) inner tension: to fortify against the world while I am in the process of creation so as to not allow its influence to pass my threshold, to remain pure in my process of rumination and my practice of meditation, to not mingle my voice(s) with those of history, to find a silent room so that I may hear myself more clearly. On the other hand, while I am immersed in the process of reflexion I often have the experience of confronting my own cerebral threshold - or is it physical, psychical, philosophical, linguistic perhaps - of not being able to speak as radically as I feel. When I read books, especially in the morning, with coffee, in those dim early hours of light when time is suspended, bouyant with seemingly infinite potential for what the day-tide may sweep in, this is the true feeling of inspiration. When I'm outside swimming in nature - and this theory will be proven in short time yet again - a process of re-collection occurs, bounding of the loose frays of already worn ideas, or of re-membering, of assembling a body spewing up from a cesspool of knowledge I'm always carrying around with me if not always able to immediately access. There is another mode of transference with "nature," specifically with the botanical and mineral topologies of the landscape, which indeed seems to temper the logos, tickles the body, stirs the bubbling affective pots, seems to "radiate being" directly to the senses, and is what I suspect my dear friends are referring to when they describe the reality - experienced through touch and taste and tender tactile exchanges - of this animate world beyond the scrim of the self. I'm willing to entertain this vision, to grapple with its repercussion and not be too brash in wiping it off the table, even if it is only to come to understand it as a hallucinogenic filter, but I cannot entertain it as a semblance for god, or any other name for transcendence, or some life greater than the project currently underway, or even of some being other than my own - which seems precisely the point of departure, rupture, and potential re-solidification for these opposing views.