A conversation in bed with ___ after sex: "I want you inside me again." I hear it but pretend not to and she knows it. She calls me out on it, about the unfairness of one of us "getting off" without attending to the other, which leads to a conversation about the greater goals of our sexual encounters: yes goals, something to strive for beyond merely getting off, rather considering the orgasm to be an impediment to a process of continuous unfurling of the self outside of the limitations of time and space: time travel through our own bodies. That "place that I go" when I cum, how do we go there at will? The conversation triggers something in me for the good, about a better way to touch and be touched, concerning the initiation of such a process of time travel that necessarily disrupts the being-in/of the present moment: requires commitment! No half-way touching!

On the bus on the way to the airport we have a conversation about cultural relativity which is a bit shocking. ___ describes an experience in Japan entering into public pools without covering her tattoos in foil - a taboo which she is aware of and consciously ignores without guilt. Going to peru and being ashamed of one's own vegetarian diet as a clashing of cultures: vegetarianism is not a culture. To whom are the cultural laws and customs of a place applicable to? Only to those that believe in them? Do they require belief? A question of personal ideology, of "principles" as ___ refers to them: "am i a person of weak principles then?" Maybe so, but according to who and in relation to what greater rubric? The issue of cultural relativism, cultural appropriation, PRIVILEGE of the first world: back to the discussions with ___+___+___ driving around Iceland summer 2015. Later in the airport terminal, ___ is disgusted to be associated with her own peers (at University), cannot identify with them and their attempts to establish identity through design branding: "___ is my favorite brand because it gives me a sense of identity" (lends, or forms, or steals)? Is it giving on loan, transplanting, supplanting, supplementing? Additive or subtractive to the being of ones self?). ___ is horrified to consider her own project of cultural exploration in relation to this other... Very important and sensitive topic to explore here. She won't like what I have to say about it.

___ gets on a plane. I try not to think about it too much, not to suppress or deny but because it seems senseless to do so, like a waste of senses. I want to focus on the mood she has created in me, to linger in that, to carry it forward and have it continue to be my present. This seems a more fitting tribute to her ever-lasting memory in this perpetual presence, so that she never "goes away."

Reading Roland Barthes The Neutral on the plane. Fuck this is such an incredible book by such an incredible mind with so much to glean from: deserves a thorough combing over page by page, to chart the analysis, to soak up the references and continue down all the various rabbit holes. This is a project in itself (which has been brewing for far too long): a charting-course of active reading (activated reading) as a process of digesting, of pro-cessing the content. Must attempt with one book first and then apply this structure towards others: vector files that can be expanded and contracted in relation to each other, cut and paste.

*the cut-up method applied to software: Max patches interfacing with Ableton, vector graphics compiled into larger databases, both applied towards the circuitry of a webpage itself applied towards transcendental circuitry (R.A.W.) and divine architectures.

*remember the desire to record the notebooks in order to purge them for good and start over from scratch. This should be a primary goal of pro-cessing while living in NM (passive, in the evenings?)

Other inspirations trickling in from podcasts:

- Recording everything with a hidden body wire. Accumulation of thousands of hours of tape, what to do with it? A process of discovering what's important, or an additional tedium that can be avoided? Remember conservation of energy as there's only so much to go around, or is it about something else? Pure material archive? Then can't it just be faked?

- Communication with dolphins, or other creatures. The dispersion of intelligence in species besides our own, in pure biological substrate, in the dna/rna sequencing of our genes. Technology as the mediator - a computer for dolphin-human communication, why not to other species also then? How is this related to CJT's mineralogical inquires?

- Seeing with the tongue. Apparatus for expanded senses. Sensors and circuits of the posthuman subjectivity. Where are the limits for my own practice? Perhaps it's worthless to attempt to describe them (the limits).

- In the Dust of This World: should find and read this book "that no one will read" but they obviously have. Proves that i need to start publishing, get these ideas out there in public, that they will come back to find me in other forms. Also, the merits of working in isolation for the sake of my own creative process/purity.

- Douglas Hofstadter discussing the infinite complexity of translating a single 28 line poem: the complexity is in the form not the content! Remember to incorporate such a translation process in my own work. It's not tedium, it's expanding the confines of understanding. *"alien languages" create alien understanding..?

- THINGS. Remember the theory being hashed out in LA circa 2012: theory of material memory. Can be applied towards any object: is the resonance real or imagined? Real or fabricated? A theory of resonance (energy), a theory of memory as residue (ether, invisible matter), a theory of affect of objects. *things in the expanded field: must define this expanded field, the expansion! The powerful resonation occurring in a place, a sacred space, a "sense of space". Very much related to what ___ is always going on about: the collision of the sacred and the profane. Not a place but a site. The seed jar hidden under a stone by some ancient person (Anasazi) discovered by some civilized hikers, left untouched (the importance of touch to these feelings of resonation: a tactile relationship to memory), then lost forever not because the object was destroyed but the place itself. The site shifted, thereby destroyed never to be recovered: the experience in the present will never be relived, but also the experience in the past will be remembered differently for not having any grounding in this ongoing present.

- 60 words: the importance of the political vocabulary: still completely about language.

*** I should strive for such precision in my statements, not excess but succinct accountability. I need a lawyer to comb over my language, to make it "real" which is to say to hold myself (and others) accountable to it.

Suddenly this strange desire to have my own podcast, A PLATFORM FOR BROADCASTING.

Landing in Boston, everything is discarded, flies away like a plastic bag into the ocean: careless and wasteful. The mind is wiped but not clean. Saturation of smells and images. Everyone is obese and greasy from the humidity. This country feels diseased and I am an outsider here: live up to it! Stay healthy and keep speaking! I'm not trying to cure these people but I am trying to avoid upsetting them: blend in by pretending I am one of them, I know better of course but perhaps they don't. The trick = don't actually fall prey to the allure! Does this require more strength than I am able to conjure? Concessions without sacrifices... Must be able to carve out this space for myself, to continue working, to keep the energy flowing. So far so good. Magic, enchantment (or re-enchantment). Listen to the bird song, listen to the stones, listen to the earth at various times of day. Continue to live and exist at various times of day. Don't sink in to the oily pools of civilization.

****